Wait until the morn
by Rhapsody the Bard
Summary: For years, Nimueh has been at Ygraine's side. But as their ways part for the last time is Nimueh able to let her go?


Finally the fever had broken, and even though beads of cold sweat still graced her love's brow, Nimueh finally felt that she could sit back and wait out the night. But, oh, the Queen still looked so pale, and it bothered her that she could not feel grateful that the unrest finally had eased. Even though Ygraine breathed evenly, she had expected at least a sign that her charge would be improving. Well, at least she is stable enough for the night, she thought.

Perhaps she should have welcomed the progress: the room had been silent for a while now. No more feverish cries for her newborn son, no angry demands to have her husband at her side after all he had put her through. Just silence, what a blessing.

_Ygraine._

Nimueh had known her since both were young girls, and knew that once earned, her loyalty would never be set aside for something like revenge or for anger. Had Ygraine felt slighted once she learnt about Uther's affair? Hurt and heart-broken, surely. Yet she was Camelot's true queen: proud and unbent; her cool façade hid her deeper passions within. The passions only Nimueh knew were there and could draw out.

Ygraine had not always been thus. Nay, Nimueh remembered the first time they met. Ah, she was so young and quiet. Lost and lonely after her brother Tristan had been trotted off by the men, the lost girl had nobody to fall back upon. And yet there was her now famed courage, and Nimueh remembered it so well, even now as her love lay there so still. With an earnest look, Ygraine's eyes had scanned the courtyard, her gaze resting on the novices and acolytes around her. When their eyes met, there had been this unmistakable click, a gut feeling Nimueh knew she should not ignore. Politely she inclined her head, a silent acknowledgement that sealed their fates.

It had felt so natural to take her by the hand, explain what was expected of her in the House of Maidens. Rumour had spread around like wild fire, and much was expected from Viviane's younger sister. When the first night came and all had sought their beds, hers was the quiet voice that Nimueh heard so close. There she was, Ygraine with her big eyes and her blonde locks. 'I am afraid to sleep alone. May I sleep with you until the morn comes?'

What else could she have done? Had she not felt alone here during her first night away from the comforting arms of her mother Aine just the year before? Even though Nimueh had been born here to one of the high priestesses, she well knew how lonely one could feel on the Isle of the Blessed. And as the years passed, once in a while they would sleep together, entangled as sisters, their bodies resting close to one another. Aine had said nothing and nurtured the sisterly bond between them, allowing Ygraine to grow up at her own pace instead of ever being compared to her big sister.

Nimueh had observed how the elder girl quickly rose in the ranks with a clear gift for magic, a gift that it later turned out was not bestowed upon her younger sister. She remembered how their group of maidens stared at Ygraine expectantly, waiting for her to summon something simple like fire, but nothing had come. That evening Ygraine had sought her out in the orchard, fear clouding her silvery eyes. 'I cannot be the one they expect me to be…' she cried silently, clutching her hands in front of her. 'May I turn to you?'

Not knowing what Ygraine possibly could have been told by one of the Nine, Nimueh gently reassured her: 'None has ever been turned away from here, dear friend. And yes, you may. I will always be your harbour to return to.'

Nimueh had been right: in time Ygraine had found her own way on the Isle of the Blessed, never feeling less than her brethren. A lady of steel, firm and yet gentle, it was no surprise that Uther sought her hand even though her heart would always belong to someone else.

_Hers._

Here, in the dark, Nimueh recalled how Ygraine first sought her out for more than an arm wrapped around her waist for comfort or that safe harbour after a long day. Months before, a deeper desire had stirred inside her, unsettling at first, like a bonfire that was just newly lit. Nimueh had allowed it to blossom, feeding it her secret fantasies while Ygraine had lain so close to her. How often had she not imagined how it would feel to simply kiss that elegant neck, to be allowed to trace the delicate softness of her arm with her finger tips or to kiss her sensuous mouth? Nay, she had often stayed her hand once she realised she felt more than friendship, knowing all too well that ladies of nobility would eventually leave their sisterhood here and she would most likely be soon forgotten. It was for the best not to risk her heart, especially when the initial fantasies grew into a steady love.

It was a hard thing to quench, especially for her when the flow of nature and life always commanded her gifts. To ignore this feeling, it felt so alien for her since she could always have whatever she longed for… New fires had been kindled on the eve of Imbolc, and that deeper passion had been stirred as well till nearly uncontrollable: that much both had learnt that night once Ygraine's simple words unleashed it. Where many simply heralded the new start of life, the goddess's blessing quickened the forces of life inside them. Ygraine's hand had sought hers when both stood close to the newly lit bonfire, and she had simply said: 'This is love, I am certain of it, Nimueh. May I discover it with you?'

Nimueh swallowed and brushed aside those tears that finally started to fall. Lovingly she caressed the hand of the still Ygraine whose breathing was now too shallow for her taste. Should she ring for Gaius to at least have a trained healer at her lover's side?

_When did it all change?_

'Wait until the morn, and then tell me honestly if it is not mutual.' Ygraine had pleaded with her when she had put out that straightforward request to her to join Uther's court as her own priestess. Nimueh had been so close to casting aside the acolyte's robe herself, to be welcomed amidst the priestesses of the Sisterhood, knowing that she would be considered to join the ranks of the mighty amongst them. Should she have followed love or her destiny? Or had it been both? Nimueh simply did not know any longer.

Had she been foolish to tell Ygraine that yes, she would follow her here to Camelot and leave behind the promise that her mother believed she had always shown? How foolish had they been to alter the ancient rites between man and woman, to achieve that which had been considered impossible by Gaius and his kind? A child had been needed to secure Uther's bloodline and Ygraine knowingly had risked all for it. And she, with all her years of training should have known that there would be a price to pay. But oh, the power as he knelt before the ancient altar as she raised his sword towards the moon and slowly lowered it. The cadence to her words changed, her voice low with an authority Nimueh always knew that she possessed: Ygraine had never needed magic to bind people to her. 'Pour forth thy store of love; we lowly bend before thee, we adore thee to the end, with loving sacrifice we thy shrine adorn.'

_Sacrifice._

She remembered as if it was yesterday that moment where there would be no turning back. Her spell was quickly uttered with the sole purpose of opening Ygraine's womb to him. Only for the promise of an heir had he tolerated her presence and help.

_Aliese…_

'Nim…' Nimueh raised her head and met Ygraine's tired eyes. Both said nothing, until the priestess attempted to rise to her feet and quickly sat down again when Ygraine whispered. 'It is no use, Nim, I am so tired.'

'That is to be expected, my love. The fever has passed and labour took a toll on you as well, but…' Nimueh sighed and reached for Ygraine's hands. So cold!

'No, it is not that, Nim and you well know it,' Ygraine interrupted as she pushed herself up, clenching Nimueh's hand as support. 'You have always harboured me when I could not be the person I wanted to be. I know that I asked too much of you.'

'Don't say it, Iggy. I will not bear it.' Nimueh rose to help her sit up more comfortably. Once she stuffed some pillows behind her love, she sat down again and entwined her fingers with hers. 'It is never too much, I will always shelter you.'

'As I would do the same. Yet, I know… This is the last request I will make. Truly Nim; promise me to let me go.' There was still a hidden strength inside her and Nimueh shook her head: surely Ygraine would not surrender that quickly to what ailed her.

'You will be fine. You have your son to raise and bring to us when he is of age,' she reassured her friend. 'This is not what you think, but if needed I will gladly pay the price for you. Wait until the morn and you will see the reward of our love. For Uther there will be many others, but there can only be one mother for your son.'

'Oh Nim… He can do that as well, and you have done enough. He wanted a legitimate heir at all cost, and you…' Ygraine suddenly wheezed and struggled for air as she bolted forwards.

'Say no more, yet one of us shall pay the price of three.' Nimueh frantically reached for the cool cloth and dabbed her lover's brow once Ygraine allowed herself to be eased back. 'He has witnessed how great love can be, if he is only willing to work more for it. Let that be your son's heritage: that true love is hard won.'

'I think he will know,' Ygraine whispered and arched into her touch. Both sat there, drinking in this scarce moment of true love. Yet Nimueh could not ignore how warm Ygraine now felt. The fever had returned. Why?

'Just as I know that your duty is elsewhere.' Ygraine softly spoke and closed her eyes, a grey sheen seeming to fall upon her as if she stood too close to the veil between life and death.

'My duty… I have set that aside for you. Only for you,' Nimueh answered and contemplated calling for help. All she had to do was rouse the guard outside the door. She chewed her lip, considering the options.

'No. You will not.' Her lover suddenly spoke with a firm resolve. 'What comfort is there to be found in his arms? Where has he been before, when I felt so frightened and alone?'

'But Gaius may know…'

Ygraine squeezed her hand firmly, and as Nimueh brushed her wrist she could feel how her lover's heart raced. This was not a good sign, maybe some pain lanced through her love to make her act so?

Both said nothing, until Ygraine opened her eyes, cool grey eyes that seemed to look for something behind Nimueh. 'I am frightened, and the end will come now. I do not wish to be alone with strangers who claim to know me. At least grant me this.'

'You cannot, I will not.' Nimueh fought hard to keep her fear in check as she spoke. 'Wait until the morning comes, and I shall stay at your side. Iggy, please. Dawn will soon be here. You shall see how the sun will rise again.'

'You have always been my safe harbour, Nim. I could always turn to you, and know….' Ygraine's voice faltered as her strength seeped away from her. 'The sun will always be there, he shall bring it forth as I…'

'Say no more, my love.' Nimueh whispered and kissed her brow lovingly, wishing away the pain she felt herself when realisation hit her. There must have been something Gaius and his healers had missed... Yet, she could not let her go and slip away without a blessing. After all, even Ygraine had been an aspiring acolyte herself and thusly graced with Her love. Nimueh closed her eyes and summoned all the strength she could muster to guide her during this moment.

_It had to be done._

'With Her blessing I can ensure that you may always return home to me.' Her own breathing hitched when she noticed how shallow Ygraine's breathing became. 'You have always been in harbour, Iggy, do wait for me…' she whispered, and noticed how Ygraine slipped away as her pulse slowly faded.

_Be at peace, Aliese._

'You!' His words cut through the air as if he stole her final breath. Stunned by the intense pain of loss, Nimueh turned around slowly to face the mighty Uther Pendragon and his shadow, Gaius. He stood there defiantly with his gloved hands on his hips. This King would not accept what had just happened, she was sure of that. Had he ever known how weak his wife had been when he left her behind?

'Yes, me. Gaius left her in my care, to watch over her and to see to her every need.' It was the truth.

_She was mine._

There would be no room for her during a final parting, that much Nimueh realised. The day he took Ygraine's hand in marriage, Uther had made it all too clear to her that he would not tolerate those foolish games girls would play. A shiver ran down her spine when she considered how he could react to her nature and to what magic had brought him. Nimueh observed how Gaius examined Ygraine's still body while both men seemed to ignore her. With one final glance at her beloved, Nimueh fetched her cowl and made ready to leave all that she had behind.

Written for Thursday_Next for the Femslash Exchange 2013. Many grateful thanks for Keiliss, my wonderful and magnificent beta for this piece. All mistakes that remain are mine.

Notes:

Even though Viviane's last name was never stated in the Merlin TV show, I took the liberty to write her as Ygraine's elder sister. The more I thought about it, the more I became fascinated with that idea that Agravaine and Viviane then would have inherited the magic of their house, Ygraine and Tristan not. I came to this conclusion that since Tristan was merely depicted as a knight, he could have faced the same fate as his younger sister: not good enough to join the ranks of the druids, but a decent upbringing amongst them.

The spell Aliese is taken from this list of known spells used in the Merlin tv show:

wiki/Spells

Nimueh opening the door

(spelling in the book) Alysan duru ronne.

(possible spelling) Aliese duru rýne.

Literal translation = Loosen/release/let loose/free door uninterrupted progress/flow/run.

Possible meaning = Open uninterrupted the door.


End file.
